Married couples often consider long-term separation, rather than a divorce; or maybe worse, stay together despite irreconcilable differences, citing an inability to overcome financial barriers. Financial considerations are still, and rightly so, a major factor along with the custody of children and pets and house sale (or not) amid seemingly countless other ‘battles’ fought.
Is it possible to ‘manage’ the separation or divorce process without this domestic war?
Mediation is a vital and useful tool if both parties can agree to take part with the right heart! However, even before mediation, establishing meaningful and appropriate communications with each other, conducted in a way that somehow leaves aside the point scoring, hateful and hurtful attitudes, which otherwise serve to complicate even further a massively emotional and turbulent time, with no winners at the conclusion.
“It’s our thoughts, feelings, and reactions to events that create the turbulence – rather than the event itself”
Good law firms will support you through the various options, and signpost you to other colleagues who can assist with areas of separate expertise such as counselling or relationship therapy, along with mediation if required. One such shining example is the Cambridge Family Law Practice, who provide, along with other experts such as Suzy Ashworth, a specialist knowledge in so many aspects of family law, mediation, including reducing costs associated with divorce and separation.
Easier said than done of course, and like anything challenging, it takes preparation and courage!
Why preparation? For the paradigm change, for learning to talk despite anger, anxiety, fear, recriminations… and for the kids!
The emotional after-effects of such change in your lives will be determined to some degree by how well you can ‘engage’ without the ‘hatred’ and other emotions being active. These, and all the other powerful emotions can be expressed in an appropriate separate environment with time and space set aside just for you! (I, and others like me can provide this for you, and your family)
Only when you have been heard and recognised, may you be in a greater position to negotiate the necessary business end of the separation.
Remember…
“It’s our thoughts, feelings, and reactions to events that create the turbulence – rather than the event itself”
Bob Brotchie is a British counsellor providing private services to clients in the privacy, and comfort, of a truly welcoming environment at his company office. He can be found at Anglia Counselling Ltd, located near Newmarket in Suffolk (GB). Bob also provides counselling, online, for international clients all around the world.
Therapeutic models are often centred around mindfulness, with clients finding 'peace' via the integration of Psychotherapy and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) principles.